I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
