Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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