I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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