my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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