Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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