so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
