I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
