loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
