time to smoke my breakfast
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
