I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
