twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
