I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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