he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
