Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
