Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
