She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
