I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
