you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
