if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
