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are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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