I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
