Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
