Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have aggressive nipples.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
