is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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