I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
