Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
