Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
