hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
