Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize