They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
