Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i came on her dog
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
