I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
