Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize