my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
