moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
