Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
