Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
