we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize