Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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