I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
