im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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