grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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