I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love having hate sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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