This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
