Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
