I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize