I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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