Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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