I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
