the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
