I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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