Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
