i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
