i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
