Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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