allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
