Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
