I am spending my child support on dildos
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
