I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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