Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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