dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
