I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
