I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
