How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
