grandma shit on top of the toilet
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
