I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
