I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize