if you like me you must not know who I am
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
