Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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