I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
