That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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