Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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