ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
